Oompa Loompa (Do-ba-dee-doo)

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes, you read that correctly. One song which is part of the Soundtrack of Me is the “Oompa Loompa” song from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I’m sure most of you know this sing, and to most of you it is just another catchy tune from that classic Gene Wilder film, adapted from the even more classic Roald Dahl book of a similar, but different, title.  Everyone smiles as they picture the orange painted little people dancing around and making fun of the screw ups. But to myself, and my brother who was also deeply affected by this song, “Oompa Loompa” is much more.

When we were younger, my brother and I would help our father with various projects around the house. Well, I would help, being the older and more adroit of the two of us. My brother would mostly just sit and daydream¹. Lots of times, particularly when dad was in a good mood and the project was going well, there would be breaks in the workday which inevitably involved food of some type, usually candy.  Ice cream was our father’s go to, and M&Ms were, and still are, my personal favorite. But, in the late 70s there was another M&M-style treat that we loved from a candy-maker we all knew all too well: Willy Wonka‘s Oompas.

Look at that! Literally half & half! Wonkaliscious.

That’s right. There was a candy that was named after the creepy green-haired, song crooning, little people. And, unlike many of the themed candies of the day (the Reggie! bar), Oompas didn’t suck. They were a a magical combination of peanut butter and chocolate. Before you say “that’s just a Reese Cup, fool” listen to this: it was half chocolate, and half peanut butter inside of a candy shell. And twice as big as a peanut M&M!

So, on one particular home repair Saturday, dad broke out a 1 lb bag of these spectacular gems, poured them into a bowl, and set them into one end of the round table in our dining room.  Then he had us all line up by size: him, myself, and my brother. Then he led us in marching around the table, while singing the “Oompa Loompa” song.

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.

And we all chimed in. Fun, right? Wait, there’s more. As we each made it around the table, we would reach into the bowl, grab an Oompa candy, and continue marching and singing merrily along.  All, that is, except for my brother. As it turns out, the way we were lined up, he wound up at the end, but also right in front of our dad as we circled the table. And, dad being dad, every time little brother would get to the bowl, dad would lightly kick him in the butt. Just a tap really, but enough to bump him ahead of the bowl, thus causing him to miss his turn to grab a candy. Every time.  And honestly, I don’t recall whether he ever got any candy. I do, however, remember laughing hysterically at it as I sang along and got my Oompas.  Hey, I was like 9 years old. Give me a break.

Current logo, introduced in 2009 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What’s the point? While this is a gripping tale, illustrating the adversarial relationship between father and son, there is something more, something sinister in the deeper analysis.  The truth of this tale, the real horror, lies in the product. There is something about Willy Wonka candy brings out the asshole in people. Watch the movie, either version; the kids, the parents, hell even Wonka himself. Total assholes.  Everyone remembers Veruca Salt’s little goose-demanding ode to assholes everywhere, but really it was everyone goddamned one of them. I’m not making excuses for my dad. He is an asshole. But, damn it, someone needs to look into this Wonka cult before somebody gets hurt.

To hell with you, Willy Wonka. To hell with you, your orange slaves with their catchy spiritual hymns, and your scrumptious morsels. I know what you really are.

Although, if you (Nestle) want to bring back the original Oompas, I’d totally sell my soul for them.

¹ NOTE: This is a significant source of conflict between my brother and our father. For reasons I don’t understand, they never quite bonded. In fact, if there is an opposite of bonding, they did that.